podeamChanges and none
Yes, the layout has yet again been changed; with the lack of both time and the drive to come up with an original design, I’ve shamefully resorted to touching up a publicly-available one.
Time was when I refused to use anything I didn’t create – this is my space, and I should style it. Thing is, I don’t know if my personal impression is all that good a thing anymore.
Today was the last day of the Week Zero Orientation in school (I was volunteering as a group-leader-person). Like in all things, my participation was thoroughly self-servicing: I wanted to be able to help freshmen coming into the course, I wanted to pick out freshmen I could involve in the array of special projects I’ve been asked to chair/spearhead/contribute-to.
I’m not sure I did either.
And happy-camp-campy(and I mean campy)-feelings soon dissipated.
Somethings change: the strange feelings of almost-disgust with people I thought I could consider allies, if not Friends, the losing of the security of freshman status, the disillusionment with the idea that things will get better.
And others don’t.
fee-fie-foe-fum
I smell the fear of a mortal one
Sitting on steps, staring into the rain, eyes focusing-not-focusing on walls washed amber by security lights, yet bleached occasionally by strobe-flashes across the sky.
Sitting on steps as the world goes by.
Out of the corner of my eye, I can see happy people, happy people in happy yellow tees. I keep them in the corner of my eye, too hurt to feign happy-yellow-tee-ness, yet too worried to turn away, that if I lost sight of them, I’d truly be Alone.
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