podeamPretty
I’m sitting there, in deserted stairwell of a deserted office, having the most comforting tête-aÌ€-tête, and all I was thinking was, “I like this. Why haven’t I realised it? But why do I like this only when we’re alone? I don’t really like this person unless we’re alone.”
Anyone who knows me know that I’m fond of epithets. Fond of epithets for the people I’m fond off, anyway.
More often that not, I’d say you were gorgeous. Or a babe. Or pretty. Or generally sexay (with the -ay).
It has very little to do with your physicality, really. It’s more of a vibe I get from you, something that makes me just want to reach out and acknowledge it. It’s, I suppose you could say, a definition of how attractive your innateness is.
Yes, I do generally love people. Not in the burning-with-passion-and-ravishing-in-the-moonlight love, but the oh-my-god-I-love-those-shoes/books/etc kind of love. Comfortable love.
But somehow, there’s something I’ve been perplexed about. How can there be people whom I detest so much at times, times when we’re with a group of people, I tell myself (repeatedly here, too) to just distance myself, but absolutely adore when we’re alone? Late night assignmenting and late evening stairwelling, I just find myself feeling so proud of this person I don’t actually know; so proud I just want to yell it from the roofs. So proud that I actually go out of my way for late night assignmenting and late evening stairwelling, because I want to be part of their development.
There is vivacity in some lives, the kind I don’t think I have. It’s something I look at enviously, most of the time, but know deep down that I don’t really want. The frenzied living in the moment, the whole less-than-homogenous-friends-forever-teenageness, the general eat-drink-and-be-merry-ness. I think I’m comfortable with who I am now; it’s been a long time. I’m comfortable in my difference, in my wanting to get out of where I am in life right now achieving what I came here to do. It’s just that at times it’s absolutely silent.
Unless, of course, deadline’s tomorrow, and you suddenly become the most popular kid around.
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